I know it isn't anywhere CLOSE to a real happy hour in my side of the world right now but I could use a tall one. I think I'll just get a smoothie.
I ask you.... Do you know a buckethead? Have you ever been a buckethead? I have and it isn't fun. What is a "buckethead" anyway?
My definition of a "buckethead" is as follows: A real buckethead stumbles around thinking good thoughts, attempting to do good deeds but somehow they backfire on them. ...because that bucket on their head (often my head) obscures the view...making it hard to really point those good intentions in the right direction. Other times that bucket seems to prevent good intentions from coming to the person wearing it---because they can't see the good intentions either.
I often wonder how often people are mislead by an interpretation of a comment or a post. Do they get the wit or charm....or is it seen as caustic and snarky.........when in fact it may be neither. Humor sometimes fails to translate well online....dry humor can actually come across crass and demeaning. Personalities are veiled by the color of our own perceptions.
I have spent some time reading people's profiles and their lists of comments made.....and found many people I thought were enemies have more in common with me than probably any of us realize. I have also found people have very different voices in other places within sugar land. It makes me wonder how many buckets we ALL wear once in a while....completely unaware of the reality around us.
The internet is not virtual...it is sometimes void rooms containing thought....which sometimes is not expressed well. Reactions occur and then bounce all over the place. We find ourselves building boundaries and walls.....thinking we must protect ourselves when in reality we probably should just be more open. Being more open means being more vulnerable and that is scary.
Where am I going with this? I tend to HOPE I come across as at least vaguely humorous most of the time and admit I seem to fail as much as I succeed. My intent to more to cause a smile than a smirk cuz....well smirks just aren't funny. When I smirk I try to do so with that bucket firmly in place....as it protects me as much as it causes the problem.
Life on the internet isn't any safer with that bucket in place. You run into walls...into people and hurt their feelings...or worse make them angry. No matter how full of good intentions you have...that bucket is freak'n annoying. We pull it off and open ourselves to whatever will get tossed in our way.
The decision ultimately is....do I put that bucket back on and keep meandering around full of hope thinking I am protected....when all I really do get is bruised shins?...OR do I simply open myself to further attack and just pray that my real personality will bleed through at some point?
Have any of you had friendships online which dissolved without any explanation? Have you found someone offended and not understood why? Do you react in anger or get defensive? What is gained by any of those things? Nothing.
I am thinking of retiring my bucket. It feels better to feel the wind in my hair....and insults can then just go with the wind and begone. Hiding under a bucket isn't safe. It isn't prudent. It doesn't protect me. Still....how does one help others remove their buckets? What if they like those buckets?
Oh heck...I will have to just deal with one bucket at a time. It is my bucketlist. Did I really just spend a whole five minutes discussing buckets? Yes. Was it even productive? Too soon to tell. I gotta go find somewhere to put my bucket.
Anyone have any aspirin? Extended bucket usage causes headaches as well as bruised shins.
PPQ
I don't really know how to respond. I guess trying to type with my bucket on is proving rather difficult!
As for your bucket...Try to use it as a vase for flowers. It will give you a clearer view and something pretty to look at! and the shins...
ice them and keep them above your heart?!
1Good idea. At least my bucket can be functional.
2"I have also found people have very different voices in other places within sugar land."
I often wonder which is the real them. Which part of sugarland makes them most comfy and able to be themselves?
3Where's your comfort zone?
I just am ME...myself. It is too difficult to go around being other people....other personalities.
I think some forums lend themsleves more to humor than others. In political forums I am often misunderstood.
My blogs and forums are consistently "Me" although at times I am whiny but who isn't? I'd like to hope I am more often funny or at least make people smile.
This post was me venting....someone took one of my jokes personally and I never aim to hurt anyone purposefully.
4I don't do "whiny" nearly as good as I do "funny" and my "net-wit" I guess misses the mark sometimes.
5"net-wit" LOL! I have never heard that term.
6I am always me, but I am often a much quieter version of me.
I belong to LDsLife. That is the only place in sugarland that I feel I can really let my very sarcastic, dry witted self come out.
Even trying to hold back, I often find myself offending people and having no idea what they are offended at.
Just continue to be your "cheeky" self and don't worry about those that are wound too tight.
you could add to this those people who have multiple logins so that they can post as "different people" - really who has time for such nonsense??
7and mrsld, you are great the way you are - you don't need to quiet down. I love your sarcasm - you make me laugh!
8Martini- Blessed or cursed however you see it, you will always get the big mouthed me! Just not always outside the Ld world.
9I am beginning to think some people have multiple personality disorders or something.
I totally don't get that whole multiple profile thing and then the whole continual name change thing must drive the CM nuts. Seriously... do they allow people to change names like they shange socks?
mrsld....There is a funny blog of mine called "CTR means Choose The Redhead" ....LOL. I crack up when people ask why some people call that title funny.
10I used to have a forum called the "Net-Wits" but when they changed the site I had to delete/combine some of my forums.
The phrases "Net-Wit" and "Mind Squat" are a couple of my "originals" but feel free to use them as your own.
11I haven't read all of this just yet but I feel it's going to be a good one *Cheeky* But I did read the last part of your post for now.
You asked
"Did I really just spend a whole five minutes discussing buckets? Yes. Was it even productive?"
Well I say already absolutely. Sometimes we all need to vent
It is the only way we
can keep being productive throughout our day with peace of mind.
12Well...even when I vent I try to be polite.
Even a buckethead deserves civility. It will probably be all they ever receive from me in the future.
13Have any of you had friendships online which dissolved without any explanation? The only one I have ever experienced within my 2 1/2 years on Sugar just recently happened.
Have you found someone offended and not understood why? I do know now and it still makes no sense to me. Their actions are something that I would never do to anyone.
How can you be chatting with someone, sharing humor in your emails for hours until midnight, you then disconnect, and then when you log back on at 9 am the next morning, you find your old friend in a frenzy going off in the head like she’s bi-polar? Speaking of issues that have NEVER been spoken about by other people, getting upset with you because you will not follow their lead.
And now all of a sudden they feel you’re ignoring them because they honestly believe that they have now seen you as giving other friends more attention than you are giving to them now?
Huh! The two of us has never had a disagreement but now all of a sudden she’s turned into Britney Spears. Now I can do nothing but be confused while still trying to be completely understandable towards her odd emotions during these hard times in her life.....At the moment it is a puzzle that only the joker himself could figure today. I don’t get the sudden joke or spark of insanity. We all wanted to help her.
Do you react in anger or get defensive? Yes *cheeky* I was very polite to my new rival – from start to finish. I played nice TWICE and still they want to play. Now I have nothing else to say.
What is gained by any of those things? Nothing. You’re response is so true here cheeky.
14To play the Internet pity party game in order to gain attention is not my cup of tea. Don’t tell lies on people because you want others to follow you so that they will PM you almost constantly for more juicy details, which is really your lie. If all you want is attention then find another way to do it and make it in a positive way.
Have followers because you’re not two-faced. Find your friends through truth, kindness, and humor. Draw your old friends closer to you by playing the compassion game. Not playing your friends against one another so that they will have to choose what is truth and what is the lie. Why all the Internet drama lately? Is it really worth having?
As for the people who talk to me.....if you are bi-polar then please PM me and let me know so that I can ignore your mood swings when you are having an unbalanced day. I would keep it private. And I will do what I can to make you smile while not taking offense to your sudden sparks of lunacy. I understand disorders and treat them with respect.
As for all others......if you wake up one day and do realize that you really don’t have a clue why you’re still mad at someone OR if you suddenly realize that you made a mistake when you suddenly went off on a few people out of the blue, - then own up to your faults. If your old friend is a true friend then they will forgive you for acting out like a teenager in middle school, and they will never bring up your actions again, not even when they’re angry with you.
These actions are simply called understanding, forgiving, and then forgetting as you both move onto better things.
15I say continue to be yourself *cheeky* you should never change your way of thinking because someone else’s thinking is mixed up for a few days or longer.
If your new enemy (your previous friend) finally owns up to their bad actions, then they should apologize immediately. But if you continues to see foul untrue words about you here and there in Sugarland, then no matter what they need again, just ignore them. Do not speak ill of them to others either. Do not upset yourself over a person that you have never seen before in your life and probably never will.
A person who claims to be ill could instead be very healthy. A so-called woman could really be a man. This married person could be single, transsexual, broke as a joke, and lonely as hell sitting at home living off the governments Section 8 programs. The Internet connection may be all they have in life, that’s why they try to make so much Internet soap opera drama happen.....just to entertain themselves.....they don’t have much else to live on.
I have found someone in 4.0 to be that way (2 actually). I think this person is begging for more of a life. She needs to feel worthy and accepted. Therefore she creates arguments that should never be to people that aren’t even talking to her. She goes on and on and on trying to find any weak minded person to follow her demented lead. It’s sad but true.
As I said before *cheeky.....understand them, forgive them, and then forget them. You may just have better days without them.
Yes, an apology should come from your old friend, if she honestly has the heart to tell the truth one day. Only time will tell friend.
16Wow, Pink, sounds like you are seriously having a VERY hard time!
Sorry!
This sounds very similar to something that happened to one of my other Sugar friends, she has since left the site. Gosh, I hope it isn't the same person doing this to you that did that to her!!
17Oh I'm cool, I'm happy in good spirits as always.
But thank you *Martini*
You know I feel that everyone needs to calm down and just simply talk things out before it REALLY goes to far. It's just a misunderstanding that can be fixed in a short moment while the disagreements are still young.
18Sorry for your good friend leaving the website. I had a few friends leave here two earlier in the year because they couldn’t tolerate being nice to others that were constantly rude to them. The other members were darn near stalking them just to be foul and Team couldn’t or wouldn’t do much about them. So many other people were tired as hell of these particular trouble makers. And these were people that were new members and some of them had been on the website less than a year.
Those trouble makers didn’t contribute to anything but causing more unneeded disagreements. But I have to admit that this situation is completely different, so thank goodness, in a way. It’s not TOO bad right now. It’s only been a day or so.
19Well, I certainly hope it doesn't get out of hand. The last situation I mention DID and it was AWFUL!
I think some people just get their kicks off of "stirring the pot" so to speak and trying to bait people into pointless arguments....I avoid those people, if I can.
20I use to stay away from any group that was too argumentative but there is still one group out there in Sugarland that has good post within them. It's just the people that get too out of hand. As I stated above....
"The Internet connection may be all they have in life, that’s why they try to make so much Internet soap opera drama happen.....just to entertain themselves.....they don’t have much else to live on."
I think one of the worst kind of member is the one who "baits" and then tries to gain a Klan of negative followers in the process. Then they can all jump on a few innocent members together.
I just don't get the followers somethings either. I could never be a follower. You have to always be a leader in life and go your own route, follow your own destiny and be happy with your outcome as much as possible.
Some people need to chose more wisely in life when it comes to who they want to socialize with. And I just don't mean people on this website either.
21Whew...I was so stressed I hadn't signed in all morning.
Now I think that allowing someone that much power....to wipe me out emotionally....simply means I was far too trusting and giving.
You are right Pink...remembering that what we see on the net may or may not be as it seems is prudent. We'd all like to think those we interact with are being as truthful/real as we are but that simply isn't always the case...which is why it hurts when we find out that we'd been led down some path with a lie or motivations that aren't so nice.
The irony is those that really KNOW us KNOW how ridiculous it is for someone to accuse us of being overly mean. I admit I can be a bit snarky at times (who hasn't) but never purposefully mean....especially to someone we'd called "friend" and had been extremely supportive of.
22The person I discussed within this thread is more what I call the "perpetual martyr" syndrome...who has something difficult in their life (at least we are led to believe) which endears people to them for support...and when that support is no longer enough to feed that need for attention...a new tragedy occurs to pull more people to their side.
Once that attention is not enough, then they pull drama out of their bag of tricks--claiming personal attacks or worse--which then pulls more people in to give them more sympathy. The problem is that eventually they turn on almost everyone OR their truth is unveiled. It can get really ugly.
A few of us finally had enough. I will not be so quick to be so trusting in the future which saddens me further.
23RE: people who bait to just cause trouble...
I have begged Sugar to put the individual blocking feature in specifically for those who are active trouble makers that bait and then poke you with a stick.
If we had an individual blocking feature we could still take part in groups we are interested in but avoid because of one or two individuals who become simply abrasive adding nothing of merit to a commentary.
Their comments simply wouldn't show up if we blocked them individually...but wouldn't prevent those who seem to like to read that cr@p.
A side effect would be...the more people they ticked off...the less of the site they'd be given access to.
In effect, this would be the person's own actions which directly effect how much they are seen/heard/ or able to take part in the network or site. I think it might make a few people step away from making some rather nasty comments.
It is ironic in a way...because some of the most caustic can also get rewarded for making the most comments or taking part in commentary---which is crazy because just because they make the most comments (most active) does not mean they are actually adding anything of real value to commentary.
It is deceiving. When members complain about them, sugar looks at how active they are on the site and then are hesitant to react...as numbers mean more to these people.
The problem is that looking at mere numbers instead of actual content will eventually undermine their site. If they concentrate on numbers they miss how individuals like this "represent" the site's POV.
24Of course if sugar's POV is to present themselves as being overly snarky and mean, then I guess they will never understand WHY we need an individual blocking feature.
I think a blocking feature would make this site more stable. What do you think?
25I can agree with this too. Of course there would be some problems with it in the beginning. But I think with a little work here and there it would become stable.
I would love to make some people unreadable because their posts are just annoying to read. They’re not commenting on the blogs that they choose. What they are really doing is nick picking the little things from other members or insulting the writer of the blog, which I think is rude.
If someone is allowing you into their world and expressing their feelings, it’s not going to harm anyone, it’s just a simple blog about their views. Some people can be too rude.
I’ve seen people hijack other member’s blogs with nonsense. For a short while it’s not annoying but when it gets outrageous then yes. I’ve seen a member post about a story they had read on the economy and how it personally affected them and their family members that had health issues.
After about 20 comments the posters began to talk about each other’s AVI’s, then they began to post photos within the comment block, then some people posted a few videos, they soon moved on to talking about recipes, and blah, blah, blah. The writer of the original blog did NOT associate themselves within the comments. I think she may have been the 1st and 3rd comment and then she left her blog.
It was just outrageous and rude. I think the comments went up to over 102 the last time I checked. That is so damn rude to do to someone. If you know that you want to chat then take your ass over to another blog and chat away just as longwinded as you want to chat. Don’t get off topic for days within someone else’s blog posting photos, videos, and other nonsense within the comment boxes. That’s foul. It’s not what the writer wanted at all on their blog.
I think if I ever had that done to me, then after about the 25th comment about a bunch of nothing – people chatting away about their men and what they did over the weekend, I would take the blog down and start all over again. I would make it private and allow only my friends to visit the blog. Good online friends don’t do that mess to you, but rude strangers will.
26I would like the ability to make my blogs viewable to the public, but make it so that I could block certain members from commenting on it. As I told you on another day, I can think of about 3 people that love to visit other member’s blogs just so they can rudely ramble. They make comments that they know will stir other members up. They cannot play nice for a long amount of time.
Sometimes I see these Sugar members becoming new members of a group, just so they comment rudely and longwinded on a PRIVATE blog, and then they unsubscribe to the group. Being the ability that we want to have would also prevent this kind of immaturity and nonsense.
And I don’t think that feature would be discourteous either. I think there are a lot of Sugar members that would love to be able to visit other members blogs and NOT see the usual annoying people that come around where they usually go. It makes you not want to comment.
As you know by now my group is 4.0. There are some wonderful stories and news articles placed in there. But when I visit I wish there were 3 members I didn’t have to see. One of them talks looongwinded and sometimes off topic. Another nick picks other people comments and will even talk about how they spell....
**now of course it should be obvious that so many Sugar member are from other countries –therefore we should respect that they may spell certain words differently as if it were from their native tongue or just flat out misspell English words – I say get over it because you got the true point of the comment above yours**
27Again, yeah, the ability to block foul members that insult others would be a great feature to have. It would make other people feel less annoyed.
And you another feature I would love to personally have, if I could not have the other one.....I think that if you OWN a group, then you should be able to delete the comments that are offense to other members. Therefore the true topic can continue between kind Sugar members that only want to maturely debate their disagreements.
Either one of these features would be great to have. **Simply blind yourself from seeing foul people that are annoying OR/AND be able to take away comments within your blogs, IF you own THAT particular group**
28Yeah, there's even one member on 4.0 who goes so far as to tell other users they don't count.
29And who constantly insults their intelligence just because they disagree with her! I mean, how rude can you get!
30Yeah...an owner/creator of a forum/group/topic should have more control over when someone hijacks it.
They should be able to delete a comment instead of "reporting" it.
31Although, I've only seen spelling corrected once recently, and the person doing the correcting had been told she was too stupid to understand the correctee's points and that pretty much nothing she said or did counted, so I think she was understandably peeved at that point.
By the way cheeky, I love the term Buckethead!
32See...this was the perfect example. I'm kinda glad it happened too
My point is
proven even more now.
33I saw other users venting about people on this thread, so I joined in. I'm sorry if you think my comment took your thread off-course, cheeky. I thought my comment was in the same vein as a lot of others.
34And yes Pink (I didn't even realize that was you with your new avatar, but now that I know it is, your comments make more sense), a point has been proven, although I'm not sure it's the one you think it is.
35Mm.
36lilkimbo...no worries--You stayed on topic!
This was a therapeutic rant...and I welcome others to join in.
This was the "google" quote of the day and thought I'd share it here:
Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.
37- George Bernard Shaw
Feel the same way most of the time Cheeky. Sarcasm is especially dangerous online.
38"Yeah, there's even one member on 4.0 who goes so far as to tell other users they don't count.
And who constantly insults their intelligence just because they disagree with her! I mean, how rude can you get! "

39I completely agree with you, lilkimbo!
Nice quote cheeky.
"Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability."
- George Bernard Shaw
40MATURE disagreements are healthy - I believe.
Although.... the members that always want to start up AGAIN, are the ones I see as a problem. They start the trouble elsewhere and then they don’t want to let it go, especially after they’ve felt ignored by the other poster when no responses or argument – has been given back to them, or they know how silly it looks for them to keep talking to themselves on the previous blog ALONE.
Once they find that person again they try to start that amusement all over. It’s kinda sad when you step back and look down on it/at them.
41Wow...need to tell you someone reported one of my comments here and is is now sugar history. Interesting isn't it?
Whether it is a martyr...or those I call the antagonists, often ignoring them simply escalates it.
Creating new identities or changing screen names is simply another symptom to their problem....and it is their problem not ours.
I am not saying that every person who changes a screen name is either of these types of individuals.
On another site there was one individual who created at least four different profiles and would even argue with themselves in their own forum. (WTheck right?)
An IT friend who worked there noticed the irregularities and when he confronted this person they freaked...and then did some rather bizarre things.
I am thinking my comment that just vanished is a prime example of one of those "bizarre" things. They won't face their issue and try to thwart those who simply have drawn a line in the sand.
42Your comment being deleted is no surprise to me *cheeky*
It was only a matter of time when the people we were speaking of (their type of behavior) got offended and found a way to complain about it to CM, until she took your comment down.
I have said it so many times before. If you don’t like someone’s blog then don’t pretend that you do and then report it. Or if you don’t like what someone has said above you, then just MOVE ON over their comment and keep reading other peoples, since it bothers you so much. Quit complaining. It’s someone else’s blog and they should be able to express themselves how they like.
Just like we were saying....oh how wonderful it would be if we could block ourselves from seeing certain people wherever we go on Sugar. Or as I also stated before, it would be nice if you could just delete their comment on your own IF it were YOUR group OR blog.
People get TOO hyper when you’re not even talking to them....how lonely is that one.
RANT all you want *cheeky* until you feel better about your particular situation. I said that days ago to you and I still mean it today, no matter who complains about your comments and have them deleted.
43And yes, you and I have both seen the “changing screen names” silly game more than once this week. A different screen name doesn’t change their demeanor. Look how they were towards us and we were two of the nicest people to them We welcomed them and did many things to make them happy on a daily basis, just so that they would forget their horrible troubles.
Or so they made us think they had actual troubles – Look at us now, we now don’t think their story is true because they cannot get it straight. No member can figure this person, yet some of us still try and be polite to her because we think she’s a little, um, *special*
I think back in the old days people called the condition “touched in the head” ... I believe I have that saying correct
Look, I usually play nice until you get on my nerves. They I will try to ignore you. And if that doesn't work then yes, I will let you have it. I will let you know how ridiculous and childish you appear when you misquote, misunderstand and then refuse to hear someone out when they later explain the meaning of their sentence.
You know I have even gotten jumped on and followed over to other blogs, simply because on ANOTHER blog I defended someone - even if I didn't agree with their statement or opinion. How silly of some people, but it's done.
If some people get offended then no, I don't really care after a while. I didn't start the nonsense. I tried to be polite in the beginning but your mouth was so devilish that it couldn't help itself. So I just speak my final peace and then I'm outta there.
You are completely understood *cheeky* We have been through enough trying to play nice this week. How much nicer could we be to them. Ah!
44Ultimately I think it becomes an issue of sincerely being misunderstood and then an attempt to clear up the issue with an explanation....which is often received by an overly snarky nastiness which has no value to any post in the first place.
There are those who revel in the attack and then the defense than ensues. I find them to be little minds with nothing really original or remotely insightful to add yet they jab, dig, poke and just ruffle feathers for no reason other than their own amusement.
Among commentary we also see the whip-snake person who smacks out a one sentence note in comments, usually snotty or demeaning, and then sits back waiting for another opportunity to strike again.
When I see this I think..."OMG...they managed to put a whole sentence together. I should be impressed. NOT" which in itself feels like one of those snake-like strikes too ....
and I then feel momentarily guilty for even thinking cr@ap like that these people spew.
The big difference is I actually feel guilty even thinking this stuff and they on the other hand do not hesitate to spew it often...sit back and are often even encouraged to continue their attacks.
I now just point and laugh. Silence. That is me laughing at the butthead pretending to be a snake. They are really only a worm with a high and lofty thinking of themselves.
Sugar please...please give us a blocking feature. Why should we have to deal with people like this when an IT professional can easily add a feature there we could ignore certain individuals and still enjoy a site.
45You're right. When you try to explain your statement it may seem that you are being snarky to the other person, when you actually are NOT. You are just simply explaining your statement.
46As for the blocking feature you lastly mentioned...
I hope CM listens. I think our week would have turned out a little better if we had it to use. You have some good ideas cheeky.
47I hate to get off topic here but OUCH!
The orthodontist placed a partial banding on my back tooth because the new bracket came off twice. This thing is hurting the inside of my mouth where my tongue sits.
And listening the Larry the cable guy on the comedy channel is not helping me. He’s playing his guitar or trying too. It is hilarious, which is making me laugh and my mouth hurt more. He sings....
“All my ex’s have infections...”
Then Larry stops to tell a short funny story. He will not continue the darn song
48CM...they crack me up.
I wrote them a letter
"Dear COmmunity Manager...er...um...that sounds like such an official title------wait that title is exactly the same title of what Obama was before president! HEY... As a "community manager" you should run for the next election.
They laughed.
49Obama use to say "ahh and um" a lot before he was elected. He would do that for 3 seconds when he was thinking before he spoke. Boy did someone get a hold of him. He really knows it now so he has cut back a great deal on it.
I'd rather someone say, "um" than look into the distance as if they were completely clueless before they answered me. At least I know the person in front of me is about to respond
What can CM do for us now that they know our feeling on this matter?
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